forever family

Oliver's adoption was finalized!!!

We had Oliver with us now for eighty-four wonderful days from placement to finalization.  To prepare for finalization, we finished our adoption education and had two home studies.  Home studies have to be done every four weeks to check on how we were adjusting to the adoption and make sure there are no problems.  In the state of Texas after the second home study our social worker can recommend we finalize which has to happen before the next four week mark.  We went to court on friday, June 26th to finalize!  

I was very anxious about going to court, however it ended up being was a beautiful celebration of our adoption.  Finalization took place in Lubbock, where Oliver was born.  We met with our social worker, the head of the agency, and the judge to answered questions about Oliver and how he fits into our family.  Bryce and Zoey were even involved in the process which was wonderful for them.  The entire process took about fifteen minutes and ended with the judge finalizing the adoption!

It was a great way to celebrate the last eighty-four days but I couldn't help think of Oliver's birth mother.  It makes me sad that she doesn't know this beautiful little boy.  I admire the strength it took to chose a life for Oliver that she was unable to provide and we will forever be grateful to her.  I will always pray for and think of her, she gave us a great blessing.

We are so happy to be a forever family!  I didn't realize how much stress I had held on to until Oliver's adoption was finalized.  One year and two days before going to court our home study was approved and we were a family waiting for a child.  It is amazing the difference a year can make!  Finalizing is an exciting moment in the adoption journey...one that families anxiously wait for.  It means this adoption journey is over, it is exciting!!!  Welcome to this family, officially, Oliver!  We love you!!!

.katherine.

oliver james

The last time I wrote I was heart broken but hopeful - we had just "lost" our baby but we were waiting for another birthmom to choose our family.  I was starting to plan again...thinking about what may need to be packed, repacked, taken out, or put away.  I just kept thinking "April is our month" but I was so hesitant to get excited again.

Easter morning I wished I had a reason to put out five easter baskets instead of our normal four.  It made me sad but a peace came over me...next year there would be five, I just knew!  After mass Matt asked me if I was happy...that was a loaded question.  Of course I was happy but my heart wished for our baby...a baby we didn't know yet but I somehow already loved.  I told Matt that I was having a hard time staying positive, what if we never got the call?  Little did I know that call would come just a few short hours later.

Easter afternoon I prepared dinner and was getting ready for friends to join us when my phone rang.  I was pealing eggs...not a good time to answer the phone but I peeked to check the caller ID.  As soon as I saw our social workers name my heart jumped.  No, I can't tell you if I cleaned off my hands but I know I will always remember those words she said to me ..."Katherine, we have a baby!!!"  We were both so excited - I screamed, she was crying, I was crying, she was pacing, I couldn't move.

Our social worker gave me all the details she could think of while trying to find where she had written them down....then asked "are you interested?"  Of course our answer was yes!  The baby was a boy, born the previous morning (April 4), weighed 4lb, 10oz, and was healthy with almost no health concerns!  We hung up after she told me "we need you to get in your car as soon as you can and start driving."

Meanwhile, as I was on the phone our friends showed up for dinner!!!  They were wonderful about everything.  They were such a huge help - they watched Bryce and Zoey so we could pack and make the necessary phone calls!!!  We did all eat dinner together...it was already in the oven so why wouldn't we?  I was too excited to think much about dinner...the check lists were forming in my head - as soon as I finished I was back to getting ready for the trip.  Our friends even cleaned everything up for us after dinner...we owe them big time and I swear I will be a better hostess next time!

With the car completely full, we pulled away from the house around nine to make the drive through the night to Lubbock.  Matt and I took turns driving and sleeping (mostly Matt drove to be honest) but when we couldn't sleep we talked about names...no other topics, just names.  We went through more names than I could imagine but none felt "right".  In the interim while we were picking a name, Matt called him Chalupa Batman...and it has stuck!

Once we got to Lubbock we had about three hours to kill before meeting with the social workers.  We went to breakfast and walked through walmart but the whole time I was giddy, nervous, tired, and thrilled - we were about to become a family of five!  We even headed over to the hospital early so we could install the carseat and hopefully get up to meet our son earlier than scheduled.

As we waited in the lobby for our social workers Matt and I said, almost at the same time, "it is Oliver."  We didn't need to meet him first to know that our baby's name would be Oliver James.

About 8:30 we were able to go up to the nursery to meet our baby.  I clearly walked into that room but I felt like I was floating and can't remember taking the steps.  It was so surreal...was I really looking at our baby?!?  He was beautiful, tiny, and perfect.  I felt so shocked...like it wasn't real.

Zoey and Bryce adored him immediately!  Zoey ran right over to him and asked "is that MY baby?!?" She wanted to touch him and hold him right away...she even got a chance to before Matt!  Bryce was a little more shy to get to know Oliver...he was interested but from a distance.  Bryce asked to hold him a few hours after meeting him and quietly leaned down to his ear and whispered "I really like you."

The next few hours were filled with waiting and legal paperwork.  The birthmom signed over her rights and shortly after he was placed with us!  The hospital had a room for us to stay in while they kept him for one more night and allowed all of us to stay.  Just a few hours after meeting him for the first time it we were alone as a family of five...yes, their were nurses down the hall but he was in our custody and care!!!  Was this really happening?  It felt so natural for him to be part of our family but so strange at the same time.  I felt like I was in a dream!

Oliver was discharged from the hospital on the 7th and we, plus my cousin who flew in early that morning, drove to Longview...about an hour from our home in Louisiana.  Oliver has to stay in the state of Texas until our ICPC (interstate compact on the placement of children) is approved by both Texas and Louisiana.  Since we are so close to home, Oliver and I have been staying in Texas while Matt, Bryce, and Zoey have been able to travel back home for school, work, and sports.  We do anticipate being able to head home next week some time.

It has been a whirlwind two weeks but wonderful.  Oliver is such a great baby - he eats well, sleeps about 3 hours at a time, just LOVES cuddling!  He is starting to be more alert in small spirts and is one of the few babies I know who likes tummy time.  He has had two weight checks and a doctor's visit and everything went well...he is even up to 5lb, 2.5oz!

Both my cousin and mom were both able to come out to help with Bryce and Zoey and get to meet our sweet boy.  It was such a blessing to have them here for all of us.  We will have several other visitors over the next few weeks and are looking forward to that!

We are slowly starting to learn what life is like as a family of five and we can't wait to get back home and start a new normal!  

We aren't able to share identifying photos of Oliver through social media until after the adoption is finalized but I assure you we will have plenty to share at that point!  This first family of five photo has been approved by our agency so for now this is the one we will share!

We are so blessed that this little guy has been placed with our family and appreciate all the continued love and support!
.katherine.

my baby boy

Our family has been planning to adoption for almost a year and was matched with a birth mom on October 2.  Getting that phone call that our family was chosen was so exciting...we would be welcoming a new little one into our house.  It was very similar to getting the positive pregnancy test...pure joy and excitement.  I cried, we laughed, we danced, we called our families, and then we started planning.

For months we prepared for this little one...we explained adoption to the kids, made a count down chain, went through clothes, purchased necessities, and gave him a name.  We named him Brady James....even though I was scared of committing to his name, he was always Brady James.  Brady is a name Matt has loved for years and James is for my mother's dad, my Papa.  It fit with our family and the kids loved it...they told everyone about him, yes everyone, and never just called him "Brady", it was always "Brady James."

As our birth mom hit thirty-seven weeks I was able to breathe a small sigh of comfort.  She had made it long enough in the pregnancy for him to be healthy and Janet was with us to help with the twins!  We were ready!  We had the carseat installed and the bags packed... several of them.  They were full of clothes for the baby, big sibling gifts, projects to work on in the hotel, supplies for the baby - diapers, pacifiers, bottles....you name it we had it covered!  The only thing we would have to do when we got the phone call was pack our own clothes and put everything in the car.

We waited.  We knew everything was still ok, we got updates about the doctor's appointments but there were no signs of no progress toward labor so we were expecting a c-section or an induction.  The birth mom had let the social worker know that she was ready to have him and was happy we were excited.  The weekend before the due date felt like it lasted MUCH longer than two days...the birth mom had an appointment on Monday morning and we were supposed to find out the plan for delivery.

The morning of February 23 we heard from the social worker that the birth mom was just waiting for a call for the doctor to see if she needed to go in that day.  The weather wasn't great so it wasn't unusual.  We took advantage of having everyone home for a snow day by playing outside in the snow, playing games with the kids, and making sure all the laundry was done.  About 4 that afternoon I finally got a call from the social worker but it wasn't what I expected: "Katherine, I found her.  She is at the hospital having the baby, she was induced this morning.  I can't get ahold of her but I will keep trying and let you guys know what is going on."

I felt like I had been punched.  What did this mean?  What did we do?  This isn't how this was supposed to go!  Matt and I decided, against the social workers recommendation, to go ahead and start the drive...it is an eight hour trip and the weather wasn't great so we figured we would get a few hours of good driving in before we had to stop.  But I couldn't move...I sunk to the floor and called my mom.  I don't remember most of what I said, I remember crying and telling her how scared I was.  I wanted to be hopeful but I was filled with so much doubt.  The whole situation was different than any of us had planned.  I managed to shower and get packed but I couldn't tell you what I put in those bags.  We told the kids that we were going to get their baby brother, said a prayer as a family, and loaded into the car.

The entire drive I felt like I could hardly breathe.  The minutes seemed to crawl by and I felt like we couldn't get down the road fast enough.  Every time by phone made a noise we both jumped...hoping or dreading it was the social worker.  The roads were terrible which didn't help with our stressful mood.  We were both so anxious.  I was so thankful for the radio...I needed some sort of noise to drown out my thoughts but I couldn't keep a coherent conversation.  Those few hours were gut wrenching.

Then the call came...the one I have dreaded the most since we started this process.  "Katherine, she changed her mind.  She said she can't give away her baby."  I know the conversation was longer but I couldn't focus and I was fighting back tears.  My mind was a whirlwind of questions but few that I could vocalize.  Our social worker didn't have many answers...she didn't even know if he had been born yet.  She was so supportive and apologetic but she didn't understand either.  I hung up as I burst into tears...big, ugly, fat, sobbing tears.  The kind that happen when a piece of you has been ripped away.  I didn't have words, I didn't have thoughts, I didn't have control - just ugly tears.  It hurt so much.

I didn't have to tell Matt what I wanted or needed and I am thankful for that.  He knew that the best place for us to go was home.  He turned the car around as soon as he could and kept driving on those awful roads.  He made the phone calls that I couldn't bring myself to make and he was able to keep composure when I was crumbling.  The drive back home was awful...I just kept thinking about that empty carseat behind me and how I was going to tell Bryce and Zoey in a way that they could understand.

Our house had reminders of our sweet boy everywhere but the hardest to look at was the crib in our room.  It was sitting there with the stuffed animals and books we purchased for him scattered in it, a reminder that he wouldn't sleep in it or be a part of our family.  The moment I saw it I crumbled again, it took all I had to close my eyes and try not to look at it as I laid in bed that night.  When Zoey ran to the crib looking for her baby brother at 5:30 the next morning I couldn't keep it together...she had just asked me where he was and why he wasn't in his bed.  Through the tears I told her how Brady's tummy mom chose to keep him instead of give him to us.  My sweet, innocent little girl just looked at my tears, wiped one away, and said "ooh, it makes me so sad too mommy".  We laid in bed together for a while - hugging with her rubbing my arm and me crying but neither one of us said a word.

The next few days were a blur.  I don't know when I got up, if I showered, if I ate, or what I said.  I didn't have the ability to talk to many people and when I did I don't really know what I said (except I do remember dropping the f-bomb with my mom...a word I never say).  I just was trying to process it all - what did this all mean, what happened, where do we go from here, do I want to try again, could I open my heart to another child, how do I explain this to my kids/family/friends, etc.  It was a lot to take in.  I was so blessed to have Janet with us so I could go through all of my emotions and processes without having to worry about taking care of my family.

Over the next several days the social workers called to check on us.  We chose to move forward with our adoption goals and are now on the list for a "drop in".  This means we will be notified if a mother chooses to place her child for adoption last minute.  Right now it is the best choice for us...I don't know that I could do another four-five month placement without being terrified that she would change her mind at birth.  It also wouldn't be fair to a child for me to be so guarded because of what we went through this time.  In the future it may be an option again but for now we will see where this leads our family.

Waiting for a new addition doesn't mean that we have forgotten about this little boy.  I will always know that my baby boy was born on February 23rd, 2015 and it will always break my heart to know that he couldn't come home with us.  I loved this little one so much, I envisioned my family with him as a part of it, and I knew how he would fit in.  He forever holds a part of my heart and I will always love him more than he will ever know.

I am not angry with the birth mom at all...in fact I completely understand.  I don't think we were played, or tricked, or lied to.  I honestly feel that until she had him she was going to place him for adoption with our family.  I can't blame her for changing her mind.  I don't want to let go of him either!

Each day has gotten a little easier but there are still moments.  It isn't always easy to hold it together and that is ok right now.  We have been blessed with so much support and I am so thankful for that.  Today was the first day we haven't had one of our moms here to help and we made it through...the house is a wreck and we ordered in dinner but we made it through.  We will continue to put one foot in front of the other and heal but never forget.

I love you Brady James.

a year in review

Welcome back to our family's blog - updated with a new name and look!  What do you think of it?!?

I can't believe it has been almost an entire year since our last post!  This year has been full of adventures, changes, and excitement.  Sit back with a good cup of coffee and I will fill you in on this last year of our crazy life!

This year, we were spoiled by so much time with family and friends.  Both the Kerrs and McPhersons came out for the holidays, we had a family wedding in Georgia, went a family reunion, went to a wedding in Virginia, went on two additional beach trips, and had friends come to visit!  It is great that we are able to see everyone so often and the kids get know their extended family.  It is a huge change after spending five years so far away!

We continued to learn more about our new home and the area.  This year we took advantage of many of the activities and amusement opportunities we have.  We saw "Disney on Ice", went to a dinosaur exhibit, got a membership at the SciPort, saw the Mardi Gras parades, and so much more.  We love how many activities and events this area hosts; it is a great way to get out, explore, and spend time together.

I started a business, Little Elephant Designs, at the very beginning of the year!  I am doing appliquéd items, baby items, and unique accessories for moms.  I had my first "show" a few weeks ago and I loved it.  This little business gives me a chance to sew and make some fun items.  Check out the etsy store by clicking the button on the right side of the blog and I would love to hear what you think!

This year was also filled with many doctor's visits and medical changes.  The kids started seeing several new specialists to include an allergist, pediatric gastroenterologist, and a pediatric ear, nose, and throat specialist and I continued to see the neurologist.  Zoey was diagnosed with Reactive Airway Disease, suspected Asthma without a confirmed diagnosis.  It is common with children who were preemies or were ventilated but unknown yet if she will grow out of it.  Bryce was diagnosed with a gluten intolerance with suspected Celiac's disease.  Bryce and I both had surgery this year.  He had his adenoid removed and I had my gallbladder removed.  My MS is not progressing which is wonderful.  All of these are manageable with medications, diet, and routine visits to the specialists so overall I would say we are perfectly healthy.  

The kids started school in August with a two day a week preschool program at one of the local churches.  They love their teachers, class mates, and school!  They have two amazing teachers and about ten children in the class.  It is wonderful to see them socialize with the other kids and learn so much.  Just last night they were spelling their names without any help!  It has been really good to start them in the preschool and have them so excited about going to school.

Our big news this year is we are ADOPTING!!!  In May we had our inital meeting with a local adoption agency here in Shreveport and started the application.  We had our home study finalized at the end of July.  The waiting began at that time and we knew we could get a child the next day or in two years!  Our local agency showed our profile book and we kept an ear out for any other opportunities to add to our family.  In the beginning of September, we saw on Facebook that an agency in Texas was looking for an adoptive family and we inquired about being matched.  We knew the agency wanted to show the birth mom several families as potential matches so we sent our information, home study, and profile book.  On October 2 we got the call - we were chosen!!!  Our baby boy, Brady James, is due February 24th.  He is African American, very healthy, developing correctly, and will be the perfect addition to our family!  Bryce and Zoey are so excited about having another sibling; they talk about him all the time, ask when we get to meet him, and made a countdown chain to his due date.  We are very excited that God has given us the opportunity to add to our family!  (Click here to shop amazon and help our adoption savings.)

We hope you all had a wonderful year and are enjoying getting ready for the holidays!  We look forward to keeping up better in the coming year!
.katherine.